Problem solving techniques
A few years ago I volunteered to teach Anger Management at a local county jail. I had recently retired and was looking for something to do that I thought would make a difference in my community. My official job became that of a teacher of Anger Management. But what actually happened, in addition to my teaching, was that I became the resident problem solver for some. (Perhaps I was too good at listening, or maybe they thought that they could use me to further their illegal agenda.)
Now that was a challenge. Not because their problems couldn’t be resolved, but because many were not willing to change themselves. They were not willing to do anything different than the kind of things that brought them to the jail in the first place.
I could use someone else’s curriculum to teach anger management but I really didn’t have much experience in helping a bunch of stubborn cell mates to move on in life so that they would not need to come back to jail again.
I happened to come across a simple list of techniques to solve personal problems that got the men thinking. This list of techniques can work very well for most anyone and especially well for someone who is not sitting in jail.
Here is the list:
Define the problem. This is harder than it seems.
Ask what part of the problem can I control.
Ask what part of the problem is someone else’s.
Ask what part of the problem belongs to God.
Ask what I can do with my part of the problem.
Ask how I contribute to the problem.
Write a practical solution to the problem that I can do.
Ask what might be the consequences to this course of action.
Determine to choose a course of action even if there might be a mistake.
If you are prone to worrying, schedule a worry time. Then stop worrying.
Schedule an activity as part of the solution to the problem. Perhaps an act of forgiveness.
Then, ask the magic question, “If the problem were magically fixed during the upcoming night, how would I treat the other person or people in the situation differently the next morning?” Consider doing this anyway.
The first step was not hard for us to do, it was usually another person, someone who needed to be straightened out (perhaps with a fist fight).
The second step was a bit more difficult because no immediate action could be taken. A judge would soon decide about that.
And the third step was again like the first, an easy one. The major part of the problem was the “someone else who did me wrong.”
This is where we sometimes got stuck. But for some, we continued on down the list.
I did find these steps helpful because they gave the offenders some hope. They realized, some for the first time, that they could analyze the situation and think that just maybe there was a good workable solution ahead for them. They were willing to see themselves, not as victims, but as capable men with some choices.
I found the list useful for myself as well. I found that just looking through the list brought almost immediate clarity when I was having even a minor disagreement with my wife or someone else.
Later on I was able to use the same list in some Life Skills classes that I taught at our local community center. Many of my students there, happened to be men that I had met in jail.
I hope that you too can use these great techniques to bring clarity in your relationships as well. -David F. Ask
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